Ramblings and Mumblings
This is where I keep my collection of articles/columns. These range from from sports to politics to weird holidays to bananas. Some of the articles are serious opinion pieces while some others are irrelevant ramblings.
The earliest articles were published on mathNEWS, volumes 84-91 (September 2000 – March 2003).
Enjoy!
(Warning: Reading my articles may result in uncontrolled head spinning and confused stares. Readers should not to take my advice columns seriously.)
- Exciting Classtime (September 4, 2024)
I try keep what I write here at P(arental) G(uidance). Not sure if this crosses the line
- The True Medal Table of the Empire Games XXXIII (August 19, 2024)
Maybe I should be this after each Olympics
- Sensitive with Numbers (June 25, 2024)
Apparently numbers can bring the mighty to its knees
- We Welcome All Acts (February 19, 2024)
... as long as no one's sensitivites are hurt
- Let's Learn the Rules (December 23, 2023)
It feels like one is back in primary school
- Go vote! Or it will cost you (December 3, 2023)
It's time to use radical means to boost election turnout
- Eating Your Way Back, Bite by Bite (August 19, 2023)
A city goes to sleep after dark. Can it keep itself awake?
- Special Treatment on Special Occassions (June 23, 2023)
No, this is not a guide on celebrating special occassions
- We are all Champions (December 29, 2022)
Transitivity is all what is needed to make every footballing nation champions
- Detaching from the Past (September 30, 2022)
What should a city do to move on from the past?
- Now I know I am wrong (July 17, 2022)
Do I mean what the title says? You decide
- You want me in; you want me out (September 7, 2021)
A club wants to keep members it doesn't want to stay
- The True Medal Table of the Empire Games XXXII (August 9, 2021)
This is what happens when countries try to inflate its medal haul
- Running in Insecurity (July 25, 2021)
The Hong Kong marathon is back, but would it be different?
- I Win, You Lose, Always (August 16, 2020)
A case study in how to fully use the current pandemic to manipulate an election
- A day, a week, a month ... without Sports (May 9, 2020)
The current pandemic has stopped the sports world from spinning
- Let's Wait till Something Happens (April 5, 2020)
If this story resembles the decision process in the Hong Kong government, consider it a tragic coincidence
- A Head Girl's Second Life (March 26, 2020)
The leader of a city is using the post to relive her youth
- Let the Good Times Continue (January 11, 2020)
A police force's new pitch to draw one type of recruit
- Power! Unlimited Power (December 23, 2019)
What would a leader do if he discovers that he has unlimited power
- Nowhere to Run (October 20, 2019)
Running events may be the next casualty in the current unrest in Hong Kong
- The Force has Fallen (July 31, 2019)
A once-proud Force has descended to the dark side
- A Date by Another Name (June 3, 2019)
When tomorrow's date cannot be mentioned directly, how can we call this day?
- Into the Abyss? (May 19, 2019)
How a murder case can bring about the end of a city?
- Foreign Talent not Needed (December 29, 2018)
Why seek foreign talent when the city's full of them?
- A (Con)fine(d) Space (August 22, 2018)
This story may become reality for residents of a certain city soon
- The Weight of Foreigners' Words (July 28, 2018)
How books written Japanese authors have caused a great ripple to a city
- Public Court Session (June 20, 2018)
In order to stop visitors from taking pictures, a court is created in which they can take pictures without consequences
- Running a Quiz (March 4, 2018)
Take this (completely unscientific) quiz to see what kind of a runner you are
- Tear Up the Calendar (December 30, 2017)
A country has decided to rewrite a calendar which follows the country's tradition
- Train to Shenzhen (August 24, 2017)
Will this fantasy tale come true? We will find out soon enough
- Five Rings and Four Screens (August 11, 2017)
Will we see an emerging sport in the Olympics soon?
- Apology Now (August 7, 2016)
My apology to a certain nation, whose peoples' hearts are easily broken
- Brining the Start Line Forward (June 27, 2016)
The race to give a child a head start now begins way before the child is born
- Meeting in Secret (March 6, 2016)
How far will one do to ensure statements people make in meetings remain secret?
- Entering by My Own Method (January 10, 2016)
What can a country do to stop someone from entering using one's own methods
- Doctors on the Fast Track (November 15, 2015)
Now one can get a degree, even doctorates, in short order
- (Dis)appointing Reasons for Hire (September 30, 2015)
A candidate was denied appointment to a senior post. Can the reasoning behind the decision be used against me as well?
- Stuffings in a Ballot Box (August 9, 2015)
What should one say when one is accused of vote stuffing?
- Running away from Home (March 29, 2015)
Can runners' race experience abroad make local races better?
- Under the (Foreign) Influence (December 23, 2014)
Foreign forces are constantly trying to change China, here's how to stop it
- Stumbling at the Starting Gate (November 8, 2014)
If my childhood is replicated, I might be at a huge disadvantage
- Marching the Same Course (August 24, 2014)
How can two marches demanding the same thing be so different?
- 6 * 4 = 25 (June 2, 2014)
The "truth" about the Tiananmen Square clear out debunked
- Moving Forward (May 23, 2014)
A (probably futile) proposal to bring universal suffrage to Hong Kong
- What not to Bring? (April 13, 2014)
Bring these items into China at your peril
- Expanding the Field (December 8, 2013)
The size of the World Cup field is perfect as it is. Why expand it?
- Teaching Encoded (August 31, 2013)
A new teacher's code of conduct is being developed in response to recent developments
- Leaving a Lasting Mark (June 1, 2013)
Why so many people love to make word carvings on inanimate objects?
- On Course for Better Things (March 10, 2013)
What can be done to make the Hong Kong Marathon a better event?
- Death by Hide-and-Seek (July 15, 2012)
Playing hide-and-seek and other creative ways one can die in China
- Permission to Copy, right? (May 6, 2012)
No one can determine whether something is a copyright violation except the owner
- Calling Timeout (April 5, 2012)
Is there an off-season in sports anymore?
- Sharing Our Home (Address) (December 15, 2011)
Some people in town actually use their home address to make extra cash (illegally)
- iCult (October 10, 2011)
The enthusiasm surrounding an Apple product's release suggests that the Apple brand may indeed be a cult
- Paradise this is not (August 13, 2011)
No battalion of foreign workers turned immigrants will descend on Hong Kong
- Do not Obey (May 5, 2011)
There are times when being obedient can be a bad thing
- My Debt to the World (March 23, 2011)
It turns out that I owe a lot to many others
- The Year of the Pet (February 8, 2011)
Not every animal of the Chinese zodiac is a good pet
- Open in the Goalmouth (December 5, 2010)
Qatar's successful bid for the World Cup has opened the door for Hong Kong to make a bid
- Being a Good Host (November 18, 2010)
Is hosting the Asian Games good for Hong Kong?
- A Master's Initiation (August 23, 2010)
In some ways, the process of getting a graduate degree can be considered an initiation process
- Happily Ever After Part 2 (June 2, 2010)
Part 1 was already written by the Grimm brothers, Andersen, and many others
- Ballot Boxful of Excuses (May 15, 2010)
In the current by-election campaign, a batch of new reasons for not voting have emerged
- A Day without Advertisements (April 12, 2010)
What to do when you are forced to avoid contact with ads for a day
- Sharing the Flames (February 19, 2010)
Why should the Olympic Games be restricted to just one city at a time?
- Reviewing the Reviews (December 30, 2009)
Scattered thoughts on a popular feature at this time of the decade
- Dysfunctional Constituencies (December 18, 2009)
Electoral reform proposal from someone with (gasp) one vote
- In Search for a Resting Place (October 24, 2009)
No one is spared from paying for high housing prices, even them.
- Taking a Wild Pitch (September 26, 2009)
Sometimes one has to resort to the extreme in order to say "no"
- Finding Growth in my Change? (July 11, 2009)
Your pocket change is all it takes for you to start this hobby
- One Flat-out Con (June 28, 2009)
A story that hits too close to home for many Hong Kongers
- VIIV (May 20, 2009)
Strong emotions have surfaced because of an upcoming anniversary
- No Kidding Around (May 2, 2009)
I have no plans of having kids in the near future (assuming, of course, that someone is willing to have a child with me). Here's why
- Putting a Cap on (February 21, 2009)
When discussing methods to curb growth in players' salaries, a salary cap often springs to mind. The question becomes: in which form and how to make it work?
- A Valentine's Day Solo (February 5, 2009)
Why are buying roses, chocolate and dinner on Valentine's Day considered romantic when everyone's doing it?
- No Disclosure Allowed (December 3, 2008)
Non-discosure agreements are not necessarily limited to the workplace.
- The Other End of the Line (November 2, 2008)
Being a telemarketer can be one tough job.
- Help Me! (September 5, 2008)
Either I have become cold-blooded, or helping others has become very complicated.
- Thrown out of the Ring (August 9, 2008)
Which Olympic sports will make the cut if I were in charge of determining which of them gets to remain?
- Securing an Answer (July 18, 2008)
Secure questions used for registration of on-line accounts that are not really secure.
- Look away from the TV (June 10, 2008)
Living without a television may not make one crazy, but it can show how dull someone is.
- 800 Miles on a Flaming Trail (May 3, 2008)
My anxieties before and during the Olympic torch relay laid bare, plus a few other observations.
- Make Yourself at Home (April 16, 2008)
If one sticks to the familiar when going abroad, why bother going in the first place?
- Punt for a Deal (February 29, 2008)
Discussing some of the perculiar business practices in the sporting world.
- Stock Up on Relief (January 19, 2008)
Has the fluctuations in the stock market makes you feel sick? Relief is now available.
- Taking Your Talent Far Away (October 25, 2007)
Providing a (fake) opportunity for talented individuals to shine.
- Roll out the Welcome Mat (October 5, 2007)
How to stimulate growth in the "flagging" tourism industry in Hong Kong?
- The Right to Play (September 8, 2007)
"No" can be the answer to the question "should an athlete play?"
- Welcome to the Club, New Guy (July 30, 2007)
A new entry of the growing series of articles that may be reviewed by a psychologist at a later date
- Anti-Advertisement of Your Own (April 20, 2007)
The sure-fire way to scare people away from wanting to know or hire you
- Driver's Ed Takes a Wrong Turn (March 24, 2007)
A twisted version of the written portion of a driver's exam
- March of the Demonstrators (January 11, 2007)
By staging a demonstration, some campaigns may receive a boost
- Open Communication with a Closed Mouth (December 8, 2006)
For some, expressing oneself and speaking up is like a vertical climb.
- Backers of Pluto speaks Out (August 29, 2006)
(Made-up) comments on the demotion of Pluto's status.
- Something Hits Your Head? We got you Covered (August 6, 2006)
What an ad selling falling object insurance may look like?
- Fanning the Heat (July 4, 2006)
You may find signs that I have begun talking like an engineer.
- Trained for the Game (June 15, 2006)
Many of us do not exercise often enough. However, we may be well-trained for some sporting activities and don't know about it.
- Smile. You are on Camera (June 5, 2006)
People taking videos of us and then uploading the footage into the web may be a bigger concern than Big Brother.
- Soaring to High Skies (May 19, 2006)
Low-fare airlines are the inspiration of this spoof of the before-takeoff announcement.
- No Cheat Zone (May 10, 2006)
Offering a few methods and protocols that may prevent cheating from occurring.
- Near Side of a Blackboard (April 23, 2006)
Even when one is teaching, one continues to learn.
- While I was Waiting (April 17, 2006)
How a wait for a call became anxiety-laden?
- Trek into a (Urban) Jungle (April 8, 2006)
Describing one man's trip to a place full of interesting inhabitants.
- Abs Space for Sale (March 25, 2006)
Listing of companies that can try to use people's arms, forehead, etc. as ad space.
- Drowned in the Commute (March 19, 2006)
Whatever happened to a nice, quiet commute?
- Life is a Test (March 2, 2006)
We are always tested, not just in the classroom.
- Lost in Interview (February 16, 2006)
How a bad interview turned into a great reason for the company to make the hire.
- Five Ring Glory (February 7, 2006)
For a change, I will try to appreciate the Olympics and not write anything bad about it.
- Rumble on the Hill (January 24, 2006)
What if the recent Canadian election was covered like a wrestling play-by-play?
- New Year, Same Resolution (January 9, 2006)
Introduces some of the more obscure New Year's Resolutions.
- A Written Record (December 21, 2005)
Featuring a few casual thoughts on writing.
- You Better Watch Out (December 10, 2005)
What if Santa Claus enters our mindset in the past couple of years? This is what may happen.
- A Normal Thought (November 30, 2005)
What is the exact requirement for someone to be normal?
- The Name Game (November 15, 2005)
Inspiration for this came from some routine business.
- Stains on the Job Board (November 3, 2005)
Some of things companies put on job postings drove me to write this article.
- At Face Value (October 27, 2005)
Often people I meet comment on my appearance. Maybe it's time for me to look at the mirror.
- What do We Want? (October 13, 2005)
Trying to explain what the sports fans really want from sport.
- Book of Reeling Games (October 4, 2005)
More and more, books, movies, and games are leeching ideas from each other.
- What should I give for His/Her Birthday? (September 22, 2005)
A birthday gift guide for those who wants to give a gift that has some correlation with the recipient's age.
- I've got Some News (September 16, 2005)
Contains some of the most abused euphemisms/excuses.
- Fabled Race Result in Question (September 5, 2005)
A lawsuit may overturn the result of a world-renowned race.
- School's In — Let's Hit the Store (August 25, 2005)
Offering a few (not-too-useful) tips on back-to-school shopping.
- Blots on a Resume (August 19, 2005)
How to have some fun while building a resume?
- What to Eat? What to Eat? (August 11, 2005)
What could happen if one becomes paranoid what one's food supply?
- A Paper-Thin Scamp (July 31, 2005)
There is an object that hides in our wallets. If we are not careful, it can bring us a lot of trouble.
- Net Gain, Net Loss (July 20, 2005)
Articles about the Internet can fill a museum, this is one of the articles that will gather dust (I hope not).
- Welcome to the Pill-Age (July 8, 2005)
Some say that all of our meals will be in pill form. That day may be sooner than we think.
- Keeping the Cool (June 28, 2005)
or How to prevent your brain from becoming in goo? (I may be running out of ideas for articles.)
- What do You Want to be When You Grow Up? (June 21, 2005)
Many ask children this simple question, but the answer may not be as simple.
- 10 Kilometres to Soreness (May 30, 2005)
A log describing my 10K run experience.
- 2 plus 2 makes 3 (May 24, 2005)
What is this about? Mathematics, of course.
- Road to the Weekend (May 17, 2005)
With the arrival of summer, people will go out of their homes (on weekends) more frequently. However, the road to the weekend may not be a smooth sailing.
- Buffoons in the Bleachers (May 4, 2005)
Profiling some of the weird actions fans make in the stands (and on the field).
- Large Sums; Small Numbers (April 29, 2005)
Everyday we hear large dollar figures. This is an attempt to divide those dollar amounts into numbers we can relate to.
- The 12 Years of Schooling (April 20, 2005)
What would a song to quantify my experience as a student be like?
- A Long Distance Shouting Match (April 7, 2005)
Telemarketers, take note. This is a lesson in what NOT to do.
- Change for the Sake of Change (March 30, 2005)
This gives a few observations on change.
- Going to the Dogs (March 18, 2005)
A non-dog-owner's attempt to see why dogs have such a high place in many people's hearts.
- Wanted! (March 5, 2005)
A search warrant for something that is in short supply.
- The Rusted Cube Returns (February 27, 2005)
The Rusted Cube award is back to honour those who are at the bottom of the ad world after a four year hiatis.
- A Storm in a Ballot Box (February 18, 2005)
A few observations on student elections.
- Life as a Function (January 30, 2005)
One day a friend asked me how was my day. Somehow it evolved into THIS.
- Delay of Game (January 23, 2005)
Reactions on the NHL lockout from people working in politics.
- Driving Me Nuts (January 12, 2005)
Lamenting those who keep their brains at home while their body is on the road.
- Exact Change Only (December 6, 2004)
One man's misadventure in making payments. The story is fictional, but it is based on what I have actually experienced.
- Take me out to the Brawl Game (November 26, 2004)
A sports fan's take on the increasingly violent athlete-fan relationship.
- The Governator takes on Obesity (November 17, 2004)
Mr. Schwarzenegger's announcement of his plan to combat childhood obesity. (Note: This is entirely FAKE.)
- Hold the Phone (November 9, 2004)
Giving a few tips on dealing with telemarketers
- A Confused Thinker (October 17, 2004)
Many teachers tell their students that there are no stupid questions. These may change their minds...
- The Real World Championship (October 17, 2004)
Spoofing the race for the White House via a battle between two brawlers
- The Lockout Song (September 23, 2004)
A song inspired by the NHL lockout and the Hockey Song
- Does that rule really exist? (September 18, 2004)
Making few suggestions in rule changes to make sports more exciting/interesting.
- Tracks and Di-Cycles (August 2, 2004)
Another (somewhat absurd) observation on how sports and education are alike.
- What if that Goal Counted? (June 8, 2004)
This article was conceived after a particular bad day, when many "What if..." questions sprang up in my mind.
- A Shriek from Up Close (March 28, 2003)
A self-exploration on my "retirement" from mathNEWS, so prepare for an article full of the words I, me, and my.
- Bananas Near Extinction? (February 28, 2003)
A brief report about the possible extinction of the banana tree and the people's made-up reactions.
- Fields and Campus (February 14, 2003)
A little comparision between sports and higher education.
- Dear mathNEWS production system: (February 14, 2003)
A fake letter about a mathNEWS writer who was ignored by the mathNEWS production system in previous Valentine's Days
- Screamer's Be— Copyright Violation (January 31, 2003)
An explaination about how Ripley's reaction to my Believe It or Not column was much ado about nothing
- What should We do to a Troubled Column (January 31, 2003)
A jingo about my troubled Believe It or Not column
- I'll Be Home for Err... (November 29, 2002)
A crude attempt to make names of holidays politcally correct (and horribly-sounding)
- The Edgie Issues (November 15, 2002)
A rant in the stylings of Rex Murphy of CBC
- Fun News Gallore (November 15, 2002)
Poking fun at a few obscure news stories of the time (the articles were part of This Issue has 22 Pages)
- A Shocking Finding (November 1, 2002)
A monologue about my relation with static electricity (and how it always find me)
- The Writings on the Wall (October 18, 2002)
It began with me following a comic strip around the UW campus. I forgot how this became an article.
- What's going on on this Side? (October 18, 2002)
Upon his reutrn to Waterloo, Mark McDermot made a few observations on a few things that happened at the time.
- A Spreading Epidemic (October 4, 2002)
A look at how the memorbillia business has grown to such a level that anything can now fetch some dough
- Looking for that Perfect Day (September 20, 2002)
During the production of an issue of mathNEWS, a friend who just had his birthday talked about his age, and it inspired me to write this
- A Health Guide for Frosh (September 3, 2002)
A simple guide on how to keep healthy while adjusting to university life
- How to Survive Your First Year (September 3, 2002)
Some advice on how to keep one from losing one's head during one's first year in university
- Fun with Numbers (July 12, 2002)
The inspiration for this "article" came after I walked by an office with an unusual room number
- Mystery at Porter and Davis (July 12, 2002)
When a library reports of a suspicious power outage, S. C. Reamder rushes in to investigate.
- The Black Cat is Out (June 28, 2002)
This article pokes fun at the possible link betwen teams' and athletes' bad fortunes and me mentioning them
- A World Cup Update (June 14, 2002)
In reality, it is a report about the misadventures of a mathNEWS correspondent at the World Cup
- All I need to know I learned from the football field (May, 31, 2002)
A few things about the world I think I learned from the game of football (plus proof of my horrible track record as a sports prognostigator).
- I Don't Want No Cookies! (May 31, 2002)
After being bombarded by many requests for (web) cookie authorizations, all I could think of is yell out the title of this article.
- Ramdom Numbers and π (March 28, 2002)
On March 14, pie was served to celebrate π day, and discussions went beyond the pies we were having.
- The Toronto Moon (March 22, 2002)
A mathNEWS spoof of the Toronto newspapers. It is full of fake news involving real and made-up people and wacky ads. Many of the articles may be out-of-date by now, but there is still some content that will give you a good laugh.
- Descartes sentenced to be put down (March 1, 2002)
A report of the demise of the Descartes Math contest and how current and potential math students at the University of Waterloo reacted to the news.
- Warning! Login at your own risk (February 1, 2002)
An article about the libel lawsuits and how humourous warning labels can be.
- Screamer and "screamers" (November 30, 2001)
After the UW computer network experienced slowdowns, the blame was pinned on "screamers". No one accused me of disrupting the network, but just in case someone does...
- This Day in mathNEWS History (November 2, 2001)
Looking at what happened to mathNEWS on this date in previous years (turned out to be a whole lot of nothing)
- Research into Heights came tumbling down (October 19, 2001)
In a Smurfs-themed issue of mathNEWS, scientists tried to obtain an accurate reading on how tall a Smurf is and chaos followed.
- Theme to Survivor—the MC Domain (October 19, 2001)
Back when Survivor was still a "good" show, a few mathNEWS staffers thought out creating a Survivor-themed issue, which inspired the creation of this song
- News that passed us by (October 19, 2001)
A couple of stories that happened to catch my attention
- I'm in control of all groups (October 5, 2001)
A monologue by Evariste Galois, French mathematician/revolutionary, after he was "kidnapped", Bill and Ted-style.
- Olympic-sized Madness (September 21, 2001)
How chess enthusiasts try to make chess an Olympic event and why it is not a good idea?
- The 4 Signs of Overworked Mathies (September 4, 2001)
Want to know if you are overworked? Here are a few warning signs. (Note: the title may be a little misleading.)
- The Wanderer's Guide to the MC (September 4, 2001)
A guided tour of the MC building at the University of Waterloo, including details of some of its real (and imaginary) features
The following articles were written when the mathNEWS staff travelled to the year 2031.
- Admin Systems Crash (July 13, 2001)
Covering some of the rejected proposals to change the UW's student admin system and reactions to some of the changes made
When the mathNEWS crew travelled to the year 1971, a few observations were made and they became the following articles:
After returning to 2001, this was written:
- The Year of the Oddities (June 29, 2001)
You can find a few bizarre comments I have about an ad and people's reaction to storms
- UW's least known entity revealed (June 15, 2001)
Notes about investigations into a couple of fake events
- Trying to escape? (June 15, 2001)
An "advertisement" for an moving agency specialized in getting people out of the U.S.
- A Great New Career Opportunity (June 1, 2001)
A made-up recruitment ad for the FBI (I don't think the FBI would actually use it for recruitment)
- Coming to You, an Unforgettable Circus Experience (May 18, 2001)
Using the circus to describe the political scene at the time
- Probabilities one can actually relate to (May 18, 2001)
A list of my predictions and my guess of how likely they were going to occur
- The 1st Annual Rusted Cube Awards (March 30, 2001)
A tribute to the best of the worst in the TV advertising world.
- A few useful Theorems (with Proofs) (March 30, 2001)
With the arrival of the exam session and students scrambling to learn proofs, a few theorems, along with how to prove them, were presented.
- The Three-Eyed Fish Strikes Back (March 30, 2001)
A chronicle about how Blinky tried to pull an item off a Coffee and Donut shop menu.
- A Major Decision (March 16, 2001)
A guide to help math students to pick a major (or to scare them from making that decision).
- News around Campus(and off) (March 16, 2001)
Fake news stories that are based on the trends or real news of the day.
- An Encounter with Out-of-Planetteers (January 19, 2001)
Mark McDermot ventured into a strange world in which the locals appear to follow strange habits.
- The "Official" Top 10 Reasons why so many students dread Stat 231 (January 19, 2001)
After passing the course, couple of my Stat 231 classmates discussed why this course is dreaded by so many. About two years later, a few professors compiled a similar list.
- Drive Me Out (October 20, 2000)
A tale describing how a mathie's "foes" destroyed him.
- A Hunter's Guide to Midterm Season (October 20, 2000)
A few tips on how to tackle the midterm exams.
- What's new in TV Land? (October 6, 2000)
Introduces a few new TV shows that ended up not appearing on TV at all.
- Screamer's Believe It or Not
A collection of strange tales around the world. I don't know how big the readership of this column was, but at least someone working for Ripley's think so highly of this column that Ripley's sent a warning letter to mathNEWS. Read the letter and the editors' response here.
- March 14, 2003 (the title was changed after Ripley's warning. No one wants a lawsuit, after all)
- January 17, 2003
- November 29, 2002 (the article that caught Ripley's attention)
- September 20, 2002
- July 26, 2002
- May 17, 2002
- March 28, 2002
- March 1, 2002
- January 18, 2002
- November 30, 2001
- September 21, 2001
- Screamer's Thoughts, Randomized and Optimized
A short-lived column where I rambled more than usual. In these columns, my thoughts were more randomized than optimized.