Probabilities one can actually relate to

With a 5-1 defeat in New Jersey, there will be no parade on Yonge Street in June for the 34th straight year (unless, the Raptors do the improbable and go all the way). For those who care, the Leafs have not won the Stanley Cup since 1967. That's about as long as a stat 231 lecture, or the time it takes to remove all 126 needles from your back after an acupuncture session, or the time it takes to rake the leaves in the fall in the Elora Gorge (the place is full of maple trees). It seems that Tie Domi will win the Lady Byng before the Leafs win the Cup again. This is just one of the probabilities that came to my mind tonight (or Monday night).

Here is my list of probabilities, followed by the related event:

1: The real-time lab will claim the life force of a UW student this term.
0.98: Stockwell Day will quit politics within the next 20 years.
0.95: Chance that a transit strike will occur in a major Canadian city within the next 6 months (or, in the case of Vancouver, doesn't end within 6 months).
0.9: Queen Elizabeth II turns 90 before Jean Chretien retires.
0.88: Eric Lindros will play zero games between now and July 1, 2004 (when anyone can sign him).
0.85: There will be another school staff (be it teachers, janitors) strike in Toronto before the "double cohort" occurs in 2003.
0.75: The Simpsons will achieve cult status (wait, it already did).
0.67: Nortel stock will drop below $20.
0.6: People become sick of Survivor-imitators before Survivor is no longer profitable.
0.56: There will be more questions on the questionnaire of the 2006 Census.
0.5: You will win a coin toss (unless, of course, the coin is rigged).
0.4: The Beatles will have a #1 record in the year 2020.
0.37: The grass is Beijing will be "green" this summer.
0.3: Toronto gets the Olympic bid for 2008.
0.24: Losing direction in Los Angeles.
0.15: A party will sweep the B.C. provincial elections (this is a HIGH probability).
0.1: mathNEWS moves into a bigger office.
0.08: The Star Wars program will be revived.
0.03: In a meeting of world leaders, protesters and the police can get along without any confrontation.
0.01: The Leafs will win the Cup during Mel Lastman's tenure.
0.0001: mathNEWS will win a Governor-General award.
1*10^-6: The Middle East will have peace within the next year.
1*10^-8: Someone outside of UW know what the term "combinatorics" stands for.
1*10^-10: Simon L'Avier or Mark McDermot become real people.
1/Google: Any party, other than Liberal, have total control over Canada (i.e. have majority in all 13 provinces/territories and in Ottawa).
0: Everyone follows the speed limit on the 401 (no, congestion doesn't count).

(Note: These probabilities are only guesses and are for entertainment purposes only. Don't get angry at me over this because your estimation is probably as accurate as mine. By the way, a google = 1*10¹⁰⁰)

Jason "the Screamer" Lau