Are you an undergrad student? Do you have anxieties about your job future? Do you want to work in a cushy government job? Can you keep a secret? Are you currently unemployed? If you answered "Yes" to any of the above questions, there is a great job option available to you. Come and join the FBI team.
There are plenty of positions available — file organizer, telephone "receptionist," document shredder, radar engineer, alien investigator, and many more. You get to work in your own hours. You are paid in U.S. Greenback and you get to pay less taxes. You also get to view all the tapes available in America. One of the privileges of being in the team is that you have access to the J. Edgar Hoover Library, which contains documents from Roswell to JFK to Iran Contra to Lee Wan Ho that are not available to anyone else. The team consists of people from all over the world, from Americans to Russians to supermonkeys to Martians.
Even with so many exciting things happening on the job, things can get boring at times. Fear not. The team has got you covered. We have the newest technological gadgets for you to play and tinker with. During the meal breaks, you get to enjoy the musical talents of Elvis and Michael Jackson as they perform live [What about Tupac and Biggie? — Pete Love].
How about job security? Don't worry. The team has got you covered. Promotions will be frequent and there will be no unexpected lay-offs. Looking for a challenge? You got it. Reorganizations occur often and you get to work with different sets of people for every job. Even if you don't do well or make a mistake, we have numerous ways to ensure that it won't happen ever again.
So join the FBI family, it is too great an opportunity to pass up. If you have any inquires, come to Washington, D.C. and ask one of our members in person. We will try to make sure that you will not leave with an unsatisfying answer.
Jason "the Screamer" Lau
[Just in case you are actually interested you can check out www.intelligencecareers.com — Pete Love]