The calendar on the wall says November and that means only one thing — winter is coming and the air is getting dryer.
Okay, I know what you are thinking (and I probably am wrong, again). The above is obvious to anyone who lives in Waterloo. You don't need to be told that the air is getting chilly and the wind is getting drier.
The return of winter brings joy (usually in the form of hockey, long hours of sleep, and snow) to some and gets some others depressed, VERY depressed (okay, this is common knowledge, too).
Many people may develop dry skin, scratchy rash, colds, flus or seasonal affected disorder (SAD, quite an appropriate abbreviation, I have to say). I usually encounter some of the above each winter, but none of them bothers me too much for too long. However, there is a condition that hits me every winter. No matter what I do, it just keeps showing up every year. You may be wondering "What is 'it'?" "It" is run-of-the-mill static electricity.
For some odd reason, I am highly conductive. During the winter season, every time I touch a metal surface, I get zapped. No matter what I do, I can't get all the electricity out of me. I have tried covering myself up, opening doors with a wooden pole, using grounded outlets, and opening a door without using keys (i.e. ramming the door), and the electricity still manages to find me.
Maybe electricity is the source of everything wrong with me. Those who have read my articles may find me a little odd, maybe that's because the static electricity has fried some of my nerve cells. I have ruined a handful of computers (none of which are in UW), maybe my electric hands have something to do with it. Did I mention that my place encounters frequent brownouts? (About as often as mathNEWS hits the stands). I could give more examples, but I don't want to destroy the computer I am typing this article on.
One more thing, it appears that I get more shocks every year, and I heard that there are a few comic-book-based movies being made. Hmm... maybe this excess of electricity can help me launch my movie career...
Jason "the Screamer" Lau
Shockingly Electric (Yeah right!)