As you all know, the cramming days are upon us and many of you are scrambling to find time to study for the final (or not). After spending a few days in my secret hub (a.k.a. my apartment), I devised a few theorems and their proofs which may help you in your cram sessions (if not, at least you can have a good laugh).
Theorem 1: Everywhere in UW, a person has to make an important decision.
Proof:
Let f(x)=University of Waterloo
Then f'(x)=0 as the term is a constant with respect to x. So any point x within the UW campus is a critical point, which means that you have to make an important decision anywhere in UW.
Theorem 2: Each and every "normal" person can be represented by 3 dots.
Proof:
If you have taken Math 239 (or C&O 230), then you should have heard of Euler's Formula. By that formula, p-q+s=2, where p=# of vertices, q=# of edges, s=# of faces. Assuming that a person is normal, he has 1 face and 2 edges of personality. So by the formula, p=2-s+q=2-1+2=3. So each person has 3 vertices. Thus each normal person can be represented by 3 dots.
Theorem 3: Everything you see can be represented by a real number.
Proof:
Assuming that you are not hallucinating, everything you see is real. So there is no imaginary objects. Thus the term a+bi has b=0, so the things you see are all represented by real numbers.
Theorem 4: No matter how you do in the finals, P([grade < average]U[grade=average]U[grade > average])=1.
Proof:
Regradless of how you do in the finals, your mark is always going to be either lower than the class average, equal to it, or higher than it. Q.E.D.
Theorem 5: In the long run, the amount of time one spends coding is smaller than the amount of time one spends rebooting after the computer crashes from running the code.
Proof:
Go to a computer lab of your choice in the MC building and ask anyone who is doing a programming assignment.
If these theorems don't aid you for the finals this term, don't worry. They will help you solve a difficult problem someday (when will that day come? I have no idea. Remember, I am a mathie, not a psychic).
Jason "the Screamer" Lau