Since assuming power, Chinese President Xi Jinping has tried to project an image of a man-god, someone who can keep everything, on his watch or outside, under control. Like anyone who has everything, he is not satisfied.
In a recent visit school visit in Macau, Xi shook hands with a middle school student. The student stated that his hands were cold before the handshake. After the handshake he felt "Grandpa Xi"'s warmth passed through the entire body. Upon learning that he is capable of generating heat and increase the temperature of people and things he touches, he is now asking the country's scientists to start a programme where he would provide heat to Beijing during winter. (In northern China heating is provided through a central system.)
More ambitious plans are being investigated. The state has begun researching how to convert energy generated by Xi to electricity. This would reduce the country's reliance on coal and oil, improving the country's air quality, reduce its carbon footprint and becoming more energy independent in the process. There are also rumours that the military is designing new warships. Xi would transfer energy warships upon entering service and the ships would have a similar range as a nuclear warship. Finding out the amount of energy transfer required is a major obstacle in the project. If the projects are successful, China would sell the technology to other countries, which would replenish its foreign reserve and improve its flagging economy. Various scientific prizes, including the Nobel Prize, are also an inevitability.
Other research may be kept in house. The Chinese military is investigating the possibility of turning Xi's energy into a weapon. The military believes that there would be no defence against such weapons, if developed. The only concern is that any foreign military would be able to replicate such weapons or identify means to defend them if Xi has shaken hands with foreign military officials, which would transfer the President's energy to foreigners and allow them investigate its secret.
Xi is currently studying to have full control of his body temperature and metabolic rate. He believes that it would slow the ageing process and extend his reign. After the latest constitutional amendment, he is not bounded by any term limits.) If successful, he would achieve what many of his predecessors have sought and failed " a way to extend one's life indefinitely.
Anyone who dares question President Xi's authority and power, take note. His powers will soon be so great that no one will doubt him.
(If you have read this far, you probably have figured out this article is meant to be a joke.)