I'll Be Home for Err ...

I don't know if it's just me, or if it's the air in Nathan Phillips Square, but once again Toronto city officials have made a fool of themselves. The tree that stands in the square for the remainder of the year is now called a "Holiday Tree". I know the officials are trying not to offend anyone, but by renaming the tree, it just isn't the same. The last time I checked, Christmas is an official holiday. If we can't call a Christmas tree by name, then technically Christmas decorations should not be allowed in any government building.

The thinking that language should be all-inclusive is well-intentioned, but sometimes with the wording of festivals, the meaning can be lost during that pursuit. I am not saying that we go back to the 1950's, but there are some things that are better off left alone.

Maybe I offended someone in the earlier paragraph, so I decided to try to devise names of special days that don't offend anyone. Remember that this is a crude attempt and some of them may be very awkward.

New Year — The 1st day of the year on the Gregorian calendar
Valentines Day — "People share their fondness towards to people they love Day"
Victoria Day — "The unofficial beginning of summer" Day
Canada Day — The Day the land which is above the 49 parallel and east of Alaska, south of North Pole, between the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans became a country in 1867
Labour Day — A day in which people refrain from doing the things they do that makes this day to be called what it is in the first place
Thanksgiving Day — The Day people gather to celebrate the harvest of the most recent food growing season
Columbus Day (U.S.) — The Day commemorating the person who was the first person from the southwestern tip of the continent at the northeastern shore of the Atlantic to reach the continent where the nation celebrating it today is located
Christmas — The day that usually comes three or four days after the Solstice in which the star closest to the southernmost point of this planet.

If the above list looks silly, you are right. If you are offended by any of the above renamed special days, then I guess I haven't tried hard enough. Anyway, good luck in your exams and Merry Christmas ... no, Seasons' Greetings ... Happy Holidays ... I don't know what to say. Would anyone be offended if I say "Enjoy your between-term Break"?

Jason "the Screamer" Lau