Welcome to UW and, more specifically, the Math and Computing building. This will be your "residence" for the next 3, 4, 5, or, in extreme cases, 6+ years. So it is to your advantage to get acquainted with the MC building. I would like to take this opportunity to give you adventurers a brief walk-through.
If you enter MC from the entrance that is near the blue "sculpture," you will notice a brain sculpted on the wall. Officially it is an artwork called Quasar that was erected back in 1971. In reality, it is the preserved brain of a giant that once lived within UW. Legend has it that he went into a deep slumber in 1965 on the current site of MC. As the construction of the building had already begun, the workers decided to remove the brain from the giant and drag his body to Columbia Lake. As the brain was impossible to move, the workers poured molten brass onto the brain at its present location. According to rumours, the giant has acquired a new brain and is still alive. There has been sightings of the giant near the optometry building. So go there at your own risk.
If you go up two flights of stairs, you will reach the liveliest floor — the 3rd floor. The corridors are filled with chatters and quirky remarks. You can have a sit on a comfortable couch, enjoy a decent/great meal, or loiter in the MathSoc office (don't do it unless you have connections there). When you walk on the 3rd floor, be very careful as there is a death trap that consumes those who get too close. The name of the trap is MC 3018, or as we MC veterans say, the Real-Time Lab. Don't even go near it. It contains many items, such as a marvelous train set, that will lure you in. At that time, the trap activates and sucks you into another dimension. Which dimension? Nobody knows for sure as no one has yet been able to get out of there alive. As for the people in the lab, they are just decoys to give an impression that the lab is like any other lab.
The 4th floor consists mainly of classrooms and professors' offices. The classrooms frequently emit chants of Math 136 — Linear Algebra 1. The only thing that prevents the floor from being completely transformed linearly is the bi-weekly placement of mathNEWS on the four corners of the floor. You can find the Tutorial Centre on one end of the floor. On the surface, the tutors are there to help students do assignments. In reality, they are there to prevent the building from tilting to the other side, as the computer servers are on the other end of the floor below.
You won't find much movement on the 5th floor as it consists mainly of offices. The MUO is there, and so is the Math Copy Centre. The MUO (Math Undergrad Office) provides essential service to all mathies. The people there are like answering machines — there is nothing they don't know. If you like line-ups, then the 5th floor is your place to be. The corridor to the Copy Centre is rather dark, a precursor of what students are about to get — the Stat 231 Course Notes. They don't call Stat 231 "the most hated course" for no reason — it serves to weed out the weak.
Now the tour reaches the 6th floor. The Statistics department is located on this floor, which gives you more reasons to dread Stat 231. The floor plan is confusing and many have lost their way before. Be very careful when you go up to the 6th floor. There can be many lost personalities lurking behind a pillar or a wall. If you are not vigilant enough, you will not get out of the floor alive and will become nothing more than a statistic. If you want to venture into the 6th floor, don't go alone.
The 7th floor remains a myth even to professors. No one that goes up there ever returns. There are many rumours about the 7th floor. Some say it is a secret lab where professors perform top-secret research, some say it is a hidden missile base, some believe that it is a ultra-comfortable area for professors to unwind. What's really in it? The collective imagination of the MC population.
Now we go all the way down to the 1st floor. It is very much like the 4th floor, except without a Tutorial Centre. At one corner of the building, there is a flight of stairs that goes downwards. At the very bottom of the staircase there is a door. What's behind the door? It's anybody's guess. Only the bravest have ever tried to open the door: others just go back up the stairs. There is also a passageway on the 1st floor that leads to the Chemistry 2 building, but since you will be spending most of your time in the MC, you won't use the tunnel often. If you do intend to use the tunnel, be wary of violent explosions. After all, it connects the MC to Chemistry 2.
Up one to where the "main" entrance was and you will be on the 2nd floor. On this floor you will find two classrooms that do resmeble what one thinks of lecture halls. They are just what you expect — dull walls, lack of lighting, and boards that only keeners in the front can see. Opposite those classrooms are the "general-purpose" labs. CS 100 labs are held there. If you are desparate to look for a girl/boyfriend that may be a good place to find one. Most of the prime estate (i.e. window offices) are taken by IST (Info. Systems & Technology) employees. They don't come out off their offices often, so they don't make many face-to-face conversations. If you see an IST employee, find like the wind as he can drive you into an endless conversation. The computer store is also on this floor. Stay away if you are impulsive, there are many glitzy items that lure you to open your wallets.
This concludes the tour of the MC building. While this gives you an overview of the building, the best way to get acquainted with the place remains exploration. So when you have two hours between classes, feel free to be an explorer and find what's so interesting about the building you call home. Have fun.
(Disclaimer: Some of the above features may be as imaginary as i, so don't take everything I just said, or any other article of mathNEWS, literally.)
Jason "the Screamer" Lau
I'm only a Screamer by name, I usually don't yell spontaneously