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Under the (Foreign) Influence

Chinese officials and their sycophants often accuse those who disagree with them or their way of ruling the country as being influenced and manipulated by foreign (often adversarial) forces (the term became outside forces in recent times). The evidence they provided are little more than hearsay or rumours that have previously been debunked, but those making the accusation kept throwing the same lines over and over in the hope that people (other than the true believers) will eventually believe what they say.

For a long time I was skeptical of the accusations made by Chinese officials that many people in Hong Kong (and China itself) are under the influence of foreign adversarial forces. However, recent observations have caused me to reconsider my stance. Perhaps the officials were right and there are more people being manipulated by outside powers than I had imagined. After this realization, I decided to look for ways foreign forces are using to keep China from returning to its rightful place in the world — the top — and what can be done to stop this.

Many Chinese parents are brainwashed by the notion that the best students attend Oxford, Cambridge, and the Ivy League schools such as Harvard. The campaign is so successful that a lot of Chinese officials send their own children to such institutes of higher learning, exposing them to bad influences such as free speech, democracy, and the importance of soft power. To stem this the superiority of the Chinese way and the virtue of obeying the leader-of-the-day, never interfering others, keeping the mouth shut should be drilled to all children from the beginning. More importantly, children cannot study abroad and foreign students interested in studying in China have to demonstrate that they are in awe of the great nation and, once they return home, they would enlighten their fellow barbarians.

Similarly, many Chinese throw their hard-earned money away in exchange for goods sold under foreign brands, which uses the money to create ads which draw more Chinese to believe products made by foreign brands are better and splash more money to buy them. Even though similar products manufactured under Chinese brands are readily available at cheaper prices, the foreign products are more popular and, as a result, handing over Chinese cash to the hands of foreign governments and organizations, which use the cash to discredit the great motherland. To stop this, Chinese businesspeople and tycoons should channel their funds to buy the companies which own the brands popular to Chinese. That way the money remain in Chinese hands when the fellow country(wo)men buy brand name items in droves. If the original owners aren't willing to sell, the Chinese should boycott the brands until they succumb to the pressure.

A lot of Chinese are fascinated by foreign technological gadgets such as smart phones, so much so that they are willing to travel abroad and (literally) fight others for the chance be the first people to own one. In addition to losing money to foreigners, there are also grave consequences on national security as foreign adversarial forces can use the built-in spyware and the gadgets' GPS system to track what the Chinese users' whereabouts, communications, and even daily routines. The Chinese government alone should have the power to perform such activities. To prevent such sensitive information from going to the wrong hands, software which deletes all apps developed by outsiders should be installed to all mobile devices sold in China. However, GPS (the Chinese version, of course) and software for eavesdropping would remain so that officials can keep track of mobile users' movements and communication.

Foreign (British and American in particular) TV shows and Hollywood blockbusters are very popular among Chinese people, so popular that even high officials admit they enjoy watching shows such as House of Cards. Such programs are tools used by foreign enemies to brainwash Chinese people into believing the outside world is better than China. In light of this, Chinese broadcasters and video-sharing web sites should be discouraged from broadcasting foreign TV programs and movies. In their place programs such as dramatic chronicles of Chinese titans' exploits, major victories by Chinese (specifically the Communist Party) over foreigners, exposes of foreign scandals, should become required viewing for all Chinese people. (This would be more successful if companies stop producing TV drama which include scenes such as one man killing a group of armed foreign invaders with nothing but his bare hands.) Likewise, a more powerful version of the Great Firewall should be built so that the harmful ideas from the outside cannot affect the Chinese.

News on food safety in China has garnered worldwide attention — fake eggs, milk powder enhanced with melamine, use of expired ingredients to make food product. As a result, Chinese go to great lengths — mail order, bulk purchase at foreign retail outlets — trying to obtain food from outside the country. The same goes for medicine, baby products, and children's clothing. Unfortunately, Chinese consuming foreign food and clothing are not aware that foreign agents have added mind control substances to the products they consume. How dare the foreigners copy brainwashing techniques from us? No one other than Chinese rulers can use such methods to control other Chinese.

While the above measures appear to be sufficient in protecting Chinese from being influenced by foreign adversaries, Chinese are still allowed to travel abroad, where they will encounter foreigners bent on influencing innocent visitors and harmful foreign ideas and products mentioned earlier. Since banning Chinese from travelling to other countries would cause a lot of trouble, the Chinese would still be allowed to go on foreign trips. However, they would be required to travel with approved tour guides and follow strict protocols so that incidents which tarnishes outside reputation of China such as fighting while on board airplanes, defacing historic monuments, defecating in broad daylight, carrying luggage trolleys at all times would not occur. The protocols include the following:

(More protocols will be added where necessary.)

With the above measures, Chinese would become immune to foreign influences and there would be no stopping the Chinese. The top of the world and President Xie's Chinese Dream is within grasp.

(If you have gotten this far, hopefully you have realized that I wrote the entire article, starting from the second paragraph, in a sarcastic manner. Unfortunately a lot of Chinese are subject to some of the "solutions" presented above.)