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How to Survive Your First Year

or How to Keep Yourself from Going Insane

Welcome, frosh, to UW and the famous Math Faculty. The coming years will be some of the most exciting years of your life. There are so many things to do, people to meet, different menus to try, and wacky games to play. First year is the time for experimentation, exploration, and expedition. I'm sure you will enjoy this ride of fun and challenges.

Of course, for the majority of you, this is probably the first time you'll live outside your home for an extended period. University goes at a much different pace than high school (I don't know how different it is, even though I've already spent 3 years here). The workload and activities here may overwhelm you. So without further delay, here are a few things that will keep you level-headed.

  1. Get enough sleep
    If frosh week teaches you anything, it will be that one can survive without sleep. Well, that's partially true; sometimes you do need to stay up late to finish that project or to recover from a party, while at other times, staying up til 3 AM is a bad idea. In the summer, it may not be a big deal to stay up late, but during winter, with nights starting at 5 pm, where's the fun in staying up late? Besides, who likes to stay up in the cold?

  2. Learn to cook
    For those of you living off-campus, this is essential. For the people living on campus, it still doesn't hurt to learn to art of (microwave) cooking. Unless you have a tongue of steel, you won't be able to stand the food in the village by the end of this month. A great thing about cooking yourself is that you'll always get to have your favourite dish, any day of the week. It also can be a good way to land a date (as long as it doesn't taste like poison).

  3. Do your assignments in advance
    By "advance" I mean two days. If you start doing an assignment the night before it is due and you are stuck, then you'd be, well, stuck. The only help available then would be your roommate, but they might be the type that gets agitated when they're awakened from their sleep. Why two days? Because you would still have one full day to leech (or ask) for tips from others.

  4. Don't wash your hands in the MC toilets
    I don't know who or what designed the sinks in the MC washrooms. I suspect it is created by someone who was taking time off from his day job as a torturer. How else can someone design an abomination like that? If you need to wash up, go to the 5th floor. The cold water taps are worth the climb.

  5. Get a good dose of Vitamin S
    From time to time, you will encounter people you don't particularly like, grades that are less than what you expect, or water that is hotter than liquid iron (see the previous tip). In situations like that, it never hurts to let loose and yell for no particular reason. Just don't do it on the 3rd floor — it is MY screaming territory. MINE!

  6. Prepare to answer the question "Are you planning to be a teacher?" a zillion times
    Back in my 1st term here, I believe this question was presented to me 20 times. I don't think the alternatives I gave were that great. The standard response is ""No, I can be a ...". Of course, these days there are plenty of ways to complete that sentence, from "movie consultant" to "game designer" to "book reviewer". Just don't say "financial consultant" (they may direct their anger at you).

  7. Don't (and I mean DON'T) play Settlers
    This game drains more time from Mathies than CS assignments and sleep combined. This is a game where you learn to give away a lot and get little in return. In this game you can actually buy a "Death" card (okay, it is a "Dev" card). This is like what most people experience in real life. You play games to escape reality, not to reinforce it. Well, at least it's not the Game of Kenora (if you haven't heard of it, lucky you). [Hey, what's wrong with the Game of Kenora? It's hours of entertainment ... — KreasEd]

  8. Learn to yodel
    No doubt you'll be standing in many line-ups this week (and in subsequent weeks). These times can be incredibly boring (not to mention bad for your legs). A good way to combat this is to hum a tune while you are in line (or on line). Also do a standing march while you're at it ?you don't want your legs to be frozen stiff at your turn. The music you sing is actually up to you, but rock is not recommended (I recommend tunes from the Simpsons).

  9. Write for mathNEWS I know. It IS a shameless plug for mathNEWS [Hooray for shameless plugs! — AbsentEd], but we always need new perspectives on silliness and craziness (besides, we need another feud among mathNEWS staff). We welcome anyone, even if you can't spell or write in competent English (if you do, that's a big plus). And for you 8-streamers, you are in for a treat. mathNEWS will turn 30 in January. Join us and be a part of this momentous occasion.

Now that I look back at the list, it looks more like the list of what I did in my first 3 terms here than anything else. Oh well. If the above tips help you, great; if they don't, at least I hope they were entertaining.

Jason "the Screamer" Lau